My 365 project is over and I want to jot down my own personal lessons learned from this project.

If you are just tuning in here is a brief recap: Every year I decide on a personal photo project.  Shooting for myself helps me keep my creative spirit alive and open.  For 2011, I chose a 365 project: to shoot a photo every day for a year.  I tried to keep it simple and easy – did not matter what kind of camera or what the subject was just to shoot one photo every day no matter what.

I did not plan it this way but it seems appropriate that I ended up with 12 thoughts, confessions, personal lessons learned, and tidbits of advice for anyone else attempting a 365 photo project.

1. This was way harder than I anticipated. When I started this project I honestly thought “how hard could this be”?  After about two months I realized it was going to be a long year.   I knew I would get bored and that some of the day’s images would be complete crap, but I did not expect my perfectionist ways to bolster my already resistant tendencies.  Some days it would be 9:00pm before I realized I had not shot that day and would scramble to find something, anything that was interesting.  Often it was not.
2. It’s OK to take a break.  In the middle of the summer I stopped.  Not really sure why but I did.  There is a three week gap in my photos in July somewhere.  I needed that break.  When I picked the camera back up I was able to approach it differently and without as much angst and anxiety over this project.  Sometime you fall down and its not necessarily a failure you just needed a break or to change course.
3. Some days I cheated.  I’m not proud of this fact.  But I also recognize that this is reality of my busy life.  I always had a plan to shoot and sometimes even an idea to shoot, but somehow between two kids, a husband, my business, boot camp, the house, the laundry, my husband’s businesses, the dog, our social life, the kid’s social life, the hockey games, volunteering at the school, cooking dinner, etc…the day would just escape me.  That’s my life; it’s busy and messy and often “the plan” falls off the track.
4. Figure out a way to count down the days.  Which clearly I did not do.  And clearly I can’t count, add, or subtract.  Of course it did not help that midway through I changed the way I recoded each day on my blog and internally on my computer (DOH!). However, I did discover (way too late) that Google calender has a function that shows you the day in relation to the 365 days of the year aptly called “Day of the Year”. I recommend using it or something to help you know where, in the year, you are.  And also figure out a way to store and record your image files by date on the computer…especially if you are math “challenged” like me
5. My kids HATE my camera.  Maybe it is their ages, maybe they are sick of having it shoved in their face, or maybe they would rather just have me be present in their lives without trying to record every waking moment. I hope that now the year is over and I’m not trying to “shoot for my project” and we take a break they will get over it.
6. I cant create awesomeness every day.  There were some days that I was hit by creative lightening, and others where my creative streak was no where to be found.  And its normal.
7. I know my camera like the back of my hand.  I knew this would be the added extra bonus of this project and I was right.  My camera was relatively new when I started this project.   I learned how my camera functions in all sorts of conditions, what its limitations are and how to make it sing.
8. Having a journal of ideas would have helped.  I thought I would be clever and creative enough to always find something.  But now looking back if I had jotted down ideas for the days when I was too exhausted to think it might have helped me when I felt totally and completely uninspired.  I suggest anyone attempting this kind of project to spend some time coming up with projects, ideas, or exercises when one does not present itself naturally.  That way you have something to fall back on.
9. I need to shoot more film.  Film is like the creative outlet I did not know I missed until I started shooting it again.  Shooting film is not the hard part, affording it is. So I am making a conscious effort to shoot more film, finding a way to afford it and to integrate it into everything I do.  It is so rewarding and so beautiful and so different.
10. My iPhone opened an unexpected door.  I love my iPhone camera. The latest version of the iPhone has as many mega-pixels as my very first DSLR I bought 7 years ago – which kind of blows my mind.  I have heard the argument that there is no art in iPhone photography but I disagree.  I view it as yet another tool in my bag to help me hone my vision.  Sometime when you strip away all the gear and the fancy gadgets it forces you to really look and really think.  I defiantly used it as a crutch when I had nothing else.  But I also know that it helped me see things I would not have seen if I had been using my big fancy expensive camera.
11. I need to lean into my discomfort more often.  I think this is the hardest lesson I am still working on and in every part of my my life not just my photography.  I notice when I lean into the uncomfortable spaces and the uncertainly – that is where the really good stuff is hiding.  Someone once said greatness is often on the edge of destruction.  I need to remember that when I feel discouraged and broken. Getting uncomfortable forces you to take risks and push past the familiar, the easy, and your comfort zones and often produces a great result and/or a great lesson.
12. Sometimes the journey IS the destination.  When I started this project I assumed that I would end it with some great work for my portfolio that was definitive of my style.  And maybe even hone my style more than I already have.  Looking back through my images, I can’t say the work I produced was stellar by any means.  There is some good stuff and a lot of work that is just “MEH”.  As the months were winding down, I’ll admit I started to panic.  Was this whole year a waste of my time and effort?  And then it hit me.  It was never about the work itself, it was always about the journey.   I needed the lesson of slogging through the trenches of mediocrity so I can come out the other side, hopefully better.  I do this because it feeds my soul unlike anything else. And this journey I am on is fantastic. I love it.  Already it has given me so much and I cant wait to see what else it will bring.  I feel so blessed that I get to do what I love.

It has been an interesting year, both personally and professionally.  As I get older (and hopefully wiser) I have noticed how more in tune with my gut and my senses I have become.  I am noticing that when I listen to my gut it rarely leads me in the wrong direction.  So I’m tuning in and listening to what I think are my next steps and the next photo project. Lots of new clients and new projects are on the horizon and I am really excited for the year ahead.  Cant wait to see what it will bring me.

If you are still reading…thanks for sticking it out and wading through it with me. I would love to hear your thoughts about what you liked, didn’t like, or anything else!!

I was half way through my 365 project and then I just fizzled out.  Maybe it was the heat, the lack or a solid routine at our house, or the stack of books I am plowing through this summer…but for what ever reason I just stopped shooting my camera.  For a while I was beating myself up and trying to analyze why and what made me stop.  And then I just let it go.  Life is not always perfect and we all stumble at times.  So I’m picking myself up, dusting myself off and moving forward.  To be honest I was not even certain I would make it this far.

I’m starting again and hoping that I’ll make sure I get in some shooting in before I go back to my lazy summer non-routine.  Some days the creative spirit hits me like a lighting bolt, and others days it is clearly on vacation   But that is part of the challenge: picking up a camera even when I would rather sit and read my book.

Check out what I have done so far  and let me know what you think.

It is really hard for me to fathom that a decade ago you entered in to my life and forever changed it. Ten years ago I was so afraid of what you might bring with you as your shoulder got stuck on the way out. I should not have been so nervous.

I’ll admit that first year was a doozy. Not really having any parenting role models I was petrified that I would somehow screw you up. I was so startled by the intense over powering love I have for you and then later for your bother. Unconditional love was something I experienced later in life, thanks mainly to your Dad. But also due to you.  You gave me the gift of learning what it means to love and be a part of something greater than yourself.

I know I don’t always get it right, and sometimes I blame you when it was Eli’s fault.  I yell too much, swear too much, and talk too much when I should just be quiet and listen.  My standards for you table manner may be too high and I often scold you for not being quiet or behaving when you are just being a kid. I am easily frustrated, short tempered, and cranky, especially when I hear a hint of whine.  I’m working on it.  Some days I get it right, others I fall way too short of the mark.

But despite my shortcomings as a person and as your mom, I hope you never spend one day of your life ever doubting my love for you.

And so with that sentiment there are a few things I want to you to know today, your 10th birthday.

I love your dry sarcastic wit that is similar to your dad, yet all your own.  That humor will sometimes land you in trouble, but it will also will help you power through tough times. And you have no idea how much the girls will flock to you for it.

One minute you are running and talking in a manner that may be a bit too immature for your age, and the next you are pontificating your profound insights about life and our family. It stuns me how clever, smart, and sophisticated you can be for a boy your age.

Your doodles and cartoons are so imaginative and good.  I hope it is something that blossoms in to what ever you want it to be: a passion, a hobby or your career.  That creative streak is something you may put down and pick back up throughout your life, but it will always be with you and bring you gifts when you need them most.

Your intense love of food and all that is fun in life will carry you through the rough spots. It already has.  Keep loving life and seeking out the best it has to offer…that is one of life’s little known secrets.

I know deep down you love your brother even though he bothers you, copies you, and chases after you too much.  And he love you back more than you know. I hope you nurture and grow your friendship for the rest of your lives, because you will regret it if you don’t. No one else in the world will share the history of having me and your dad as your parents. And when we are old and crotchety you will need a him to help you remember your past and where you came from.

I love how no matter where you are you surround yourself with kids who are just as goofy, silly, funny, witty, charming and as wickedly smart as you.  Your never wavering loyalty to them all is a quality I adore and admire.  And even when you experience kids who are not so nice, your empathetic reasoning and kindness is wise beyond your years. It is a quality that will naturally draw friends to you for the rest of your life.

You know more about yourself at 10 then I do about myself in my forties.  You know what you want and what you need and you are not swayed by much, unless donuts are involved.  Trust me when I say your teenage years will test your resolve to stand apart from the pack.  But I think that your good judgment will steer you through.

I love that every so often you complain that you don’t want to grow up, as if this is the best time in your life ever.  I know that you are nervous of what it might mean to have more responsibility, more choice and be more “grown-up”.  I see you being hard on yourself  and striving for everything you do to be perfect. But you are OK for who you are even when things are not perfect and you make mistakes. I know that you are a kid that can weather tough storms and come out OK. You show me time and time again that you are brave, stoic, strong, and wise.

As you embark on the second decade of your life I hope that you will never forget that you are indeed loved for exactly who you are right now and for the young man you are growing into.  As I say often on our house, we are your family and you will always be loved no matter what.  This is the soft place you can land where you will always be OK, you will always be welcome and you will always be loved — no matter what.  You are one of the most unique and amazing individuals I have ever met and my love for you is unconditional, forever, and always.

Happy Birthday

Seven years ago today this magnificent creature came into our lives.  My pregnancy with Eli was not easy.  Aside from the fact that I was one cranky pregnant woman and I gained 60+ pounds, I had to cope with some serious health scares while pregnant. I was filled with uncertainty and anxiety about what i would feel  when he was born.  Would I love him like Cal? Could I successfully parent two kids?  Could I give them both what they needed?  And to top it off, at birth his cord was wrapped so tightly around his neck he was not breathing.  Thankfully, I was so out of it I did not realize until much later that Matt almost passed out while my OB-GYN pushed the panic button to call in the cavalry.

But once the three of us were quietly settled into our room at the hospital, I held him and gazed into his big brown eyes and fell head over heels in love – instantly.  I remember that rush of emotion like it was yesterday. Never in my wildest dreams did i think i would get so lucky and so blessed to parent such a beautiful, amazing, loving child.

And as I tucked him into bed after a big Birthday/Superbowl party with  friends and neighbors, he said that when everyone was singing “Happy Birthday” to him he almost wanted to cry because he was so overwhelmed with love.

He is love. He is seven.

This year the boys came up with their own costume ideas and needed little input from mom.

had the best SNOUT!  What a funny looking animal.  I love the pumpkin patch if for only one thing, that my kids gets to see and touch real farm animals.  Living in the city it is not every day you get to see and touch piggies, goats, and cows.   

I {Heart} California.  I always have.  We finished off our summer with a two week adventure in California where we visited great friends, ate great food, and basked in the beautiful California sunshine.  Here are a few of my favorite things things I loved about our trip:

Finally meeting the beautiful children of old friends and falling in love
Manhandling by Homer Simpson
My kids mustering the courage to go on a thrill ridePlaying arcade games at the Santa Monica Pier

Petting farm animals at the Sonoma County FairThe kids playing “dead-man” in the trampoline in their pajamas before bedtime

How time at playground always rights their ship

Giving the kids disposable cameras (and now anxiously awaiting to see what their world looks like)

The cement slides in San FranciscoI love California.  I love (and miss) all our friends who live there, the easy-going laid back attitude, the beautiful sunshine, the amazing food and wine… I love it all.

I love my girlfriends. They are my sounding board, my rock, inspiration, never ending support, unconditional love, and most of all family.

Every couple of years we all gather for a week at the beach with all our kids.  Four moms and seven kids in one house.  It is  a ton of work, utterly exhausting, an absolute  blast, and a reminder how lucky I am to have such amazing wonderful women in my life and that I get to watch their equally incredible, interesting and beautiful children grow up. 

A few weekends back my industrious neighbor Miss “A” wanted to help the Washington Animal Rescue League (WARL) raise some money.  They were in need of a new roof and had just sent a mass email to their supporters for help.  It just so happened that my neighbors have adopted several animals from the WARL, chief among them was their beloved dog Sasha.  Sasha was a bit of a miracle dog on our block.  She was blind, survived cancer and had diabetes yet defeated every one of her grim diagnoses and lived to the rip old age of 13. So the WARL holds a special place in their hearts.

So when the WARL sent out a call for funds “A” decided to host a charity car wash to help. She  charged $10 a car and .$50 for lemonade and popsicles.  After three days car washes over two weekends, 7 volunteers (not including her parents), a box of freeze pops from Costco, and countless glasses of lemonade she raised a total $684.00.  Not bad considering her volunteers would down two glasses of lemonade and eat two Popsicle for every car they washed